Suicidal Thoughts No Longer Have a Hold on Me

The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy.  I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.

John 10:10

The darkness was enveloping me, suffocating me, and drowning me.  I felt all alone in a very dark place.  My mental anguish was so intense and painful.  The only way I felt secure in escaping this pain was to end my life.  My insecurity fell into this dark hole with me.

My insecurities didn’t allow me the courage or confidence to carry out the very act of ending my life.  Nor did they allow me the courage or confidence to speak up about the pain.  I carried this pain for a very long time.  I hid this pain from family and friends.

However, working on my behalf was a force stronger and more powerful than the darkness.  This powerful force orchestrated the events that would take place in order for me to finally communicate the intense mental pain I was experiencing.

God Reveals and Rescues

When the silence broke, the dam broke.  The darkness lifted.  The intensity of the pain subsided.  I could breathe again.

God revealed Himself to me on a whole new level.  The powerful force I mentioned is El Shaddai, the Hebrew title for God Almighty.  God has been working on my behalf even before I was born.

You see, the odds were stacked up against me.  Having a mentally unstable mom and an alcoholic dad and growing up in an occasional volatile environment was my normal.  I did grow up in church, accepted Jesus Christ as my personal Savior, and baptized when I was 13 years old.

However, my view of God was distorted.  I felt like He was never pleased with me and somehow that I was responsible for my parents’ issues, my issues and everybody else’s issues.  I lacked the necessary coping skills as a young married woman.  A distorted view of God, poor coping skills, and a season of several stressful events finally pushed me to the edge.  I know God rescued me.  I will never forget that day.  It is one of many reasons I choose to worship and praise Him.

God Restores

The restoration process has been a journey of cleansing and healing.  Part of the cleaning has been to pull out the weeds, root and all.  More pain?  Yes.  But, so worth it.  Part of the healing has been to totally surrender my whole heart to Jesus Christ.  He picked me up dirty and messy.  He saw beauty beneath all the dirt and filth and began the restoration of a shattered soul.

I am cleansed and healed from that very dark place.  I no longer struggle with suicidal thoughts.  I know without a shadow of doubt that God Almighty intervened on my behalf.  I have surrendered my soul, my mind, will, and emotions to Jesus Christ.  I am at work in progress.  I will be until Jesus comes and takes me home.  And yes, my life is beautiful.  It is not perfect and there are hard days, but it is beautiful.

Gods Reminds

One thing I know for sure is that when Satan, the enemy of my soul comes and tries to entice me with dark thoughts, I immediately know where it is coming from.  I am reminded of God’s truth and use it as weapons against the devil.  He has one mission, to kill, steal and destroy life.  But Jesus came that I may have life and have it more abundantly.

I share my story to offer hope.  I would have missed a multitude of blessings if I would have followed through with ending my life.  God took what was meant for evil and turned it around for good, for His glory.  Even though my mom struggled mentally over the years, I experienced special mother daughter moments that can never be taken from me.  And the same goes for my dad, even though his weakness was liquor and having a short fuse, I had the opportunity to experience special father daughter moments that can never be taken from me either.  The enemy came to steal, kill, and destroy me, BUT Jesus came that I may have life and have it more abundantly.

God Can and Will Rescue and Restore You

Is the darkness enveloping you?  Do you feel like you are suffocating or drowning?  Do you feel all alone in this dark place?  Is your mental anguish intense and painful?  Are you having suicidal thoughts?  Or do you know someone that is in this place?

I want to encourage you to reach out to someone for help.  Get on your phone and call the suicide hotline number listed here and below (1-800-273-8255), your local pastor/chaplain or a local Christian counselor.  There are sincere people in this world that do care and desire to help you along the way.  Yes, I know it is hard to trust people, but when your life is at stake, you will be very surprised at how compassionate people can be.  Don’t trust God?  I get it.  I have been on a lifelong journey learning how to trust Him.  I don’t always understand His ways, but I have learned He is trustworthy.  It is okay for you to trust Him to get you to the right person that you feel safe enough to ask for help.

Now, I want to pray for you.

Father God, I ask that you surround the reader or listener with ministering angels.  Give them peace, comfort, and knowledge that You can be trusted.  You gave them life, not death.  I ask that You shut the mouth of the bullies and Satan, our enemy.  Give this person the courage to seek You and cry out to You to save them from death.  I ask that You put the right people in this person’s path to help them get the help they need.  Where there seems to be no hope, give this person hope.  Where there seems to be no way out, show this person the way out.  Remind this person that You came to give them life and life more abundantly.  Give this person their life back.  Turn those things that are meant for evil to good.  I speak life over this person.  Thank you, God, for this person.  May You bless them with a beautiful life!  I ask these things in Your Name!  Amen!